Your Marriage Survival Guide During Lockdown
By: Attorney Wendy Newman Glantz, Partner at Glantzlaw
The Pandemic has shaken our entire world, so you are bound to feel the effects in your home. There has been a noticeable surge in divorce filings in China as a result of couples and families having been in quarantine.
Perhaps those cute idiosyncrasies are not so cute anymore. Do you notice how loud your partner chews? That the dishes seem to be piling up faster each day? That your favorite ice cream is now gone? It is these little everyday annoyances which can easily escalate into “louder” arguments. We are not accustomed to spending so much time with our partners. Nor are we used to trying to working at home, home schooling our kids and sharing our alone time with our households.
Coincidentally, I have been a divorce lawyer and wife for over 36 years. Thirty-three of those years, my spouse has also been my business partner. I may have a bit more tolerance or patience, or maybe not. I do have a lot more practice in living and working with my partner.
After listening to so many heart wrenching stories of the reasons people choose to divorce, I have come up with these helpful survival tips to “stay married.”
Be Appreciative
This is a time to appreciate all of the good things you have in your life. When you wake up in the morning or before you go to sleep at night, write down anywhere from 10 to 100 things you appreciate each day.
Share Your Appreciation
In the evening, when you sit down for dinner each night, share with your family ten things you appreciate. This shifts your thoughts to think and speak positively. It also gives everyone an opportunity to be thankful to each other.
Remember – It’s Temporary
The “stay at home” requirements are only temporary. This is short term, so realize your everyday life will resume soon. Do not make life changing decisions while you are experiencing any form of temporary discomfort.
Create Space
Become creative and try to work from different rooms during the day. If you need alone time. Go for a walk, exercise or swim.
Communicate
Speak to your partner and express your concerns. If you are feeling anxious, fearful or melancholy, tell your partner. Be honest with your partner concerning the fears you are experiencing.
Be Compassionate
Everyone is going through emotionally challenging times. Each of us acts and reacts differently during times of uncertainty. You are well aware of how your partner perceives life. Embrace who they are and how they perceive the world. Be more compassionate to your loved ones.
Patience
Patience is a golden attribute. It is during these times our patience is going to be challenged, then challenged and challenged again. Take a deep breath, then take another. This is the time to be more proactive and less reactive.
Be Less Critical
This is the time when you need to be wise with your words. This is not the time to attempt to change any of your partner’s behaviors. Instead of judging your partner’s behavior, pay them a compliment. Speak to him or her positively and tell them how much you care.
Be More Helpful
Reach out and help! If it means helping in household errands or spending less money. Just be more mindful and help your partner.
Open Your Heart
Remember the joyous moments you shared. In those moments of uncertainty, reflect and remind yourself of the wonderful traits and characteristics of your partner. Be more merciful and allow your heart to be open and more forgiving.
This is a time where each of us must take some time to do inward reflection. Look within and ask yourself, maybe there is something I can change within me to be a more compassionate, empathetic and understanding individual. A small little shift can make all of the difference.
Stay calm. Stay safe and always remember, its just temporary.